Tracking Game Read online

  “About Mom.”

  “Sure. Anything specific?”

  She turned to her sister. “Sophie …”

  Sophie put her fork down and leaned forward, a shadow crossing her face. “She acted like she didn’t want us there, Dad. Even on the first day.”

  “How so, sweetheart?”

  “I wanted to sit by her to watch TV, and she got up and moved away. Then I asked her to read me a story before bed, and she said she was too tired. And she didn’t have a happy face on. You know.”

  Cole did know, and he recognized that Sophie’s happy face had also disappeared. He knew better than to make light of the rejection she must have felt. He looked at Angela to see if she wanted to add anything, but she remained silent and stony-faced. “Mom told me she wanted you there for the whole week,” he said. “I know she was excited to have you come visit.”

  Sophie’s eyes brimmed. “Can a mom fall out of love with her kids?”

  Cole looked at Jessie, and she raised her brows at him, an invitation to field the question. The slow burn that had started when he first received the call from his distressed kids threatened to flare. He didn’t want to say the wrong thing and make matters worse between Liv and her children, but by golly, she wasn’t making this any easier. “I’m not sure I know how to answer that question, Sophie. I don’t know about other moms; I just have some ideas about your mom.”

  He could tell she was fighting tears and trying to put on a brave face. “What about my mom?”

  “I don’t think she’s fallen out of love with you and Angie. You know this has been complicated. Mom has an illness that we can’t see, but it’s still an illness. Her depression comes and goes, and evidently she’s still struggling with it more than we were aware of.”

  A tear slipped down Sophie’s cheek. “But why does she act like she doesn’t like us? I don’t get it.”

  Cole felt like he’d reached a dead end. “To tell the truth, I don’t get it either. But when I talked to your mom on the phone, I did understand one thing. She does love you, and she wants to spend time with you.”

  “But why does she act like she doesn’t?”

  Judging by Sophie’s sad face, Cole would guess he hadn’t helped her very much, even though he wished more than anything that he could. “Sophie, try to understand that your mom has an illness. She takes medicine for it and she works in counseling just like we do … you know, to try to get in touch with our feelings so that we can handle them. But your mom’s sadness is bigger than what we feel. It’s not so easily managed, but she’s doing the best she can.”

  Cole hoped he’d hit on a comparison that Sophie could relate to. “Imagine how sad you are right now, only make it much, much bigger. That’s what your mom deals with, and it can make her feel tired. She might want to go to her room and lie down. Sometimes she needs a nap. That’s what was going on with your mom the past few days. She hasn’t fallen out of love with you. She loves you more than ever.”

  He remembered what Mattie had said about small steps. “We just took too big a step, Sophie. We tried to do too much at once. Instead of visiting Mom for a week, we’re going to go for a day next time. I think that will work much better, don’t you?”

  Sophie’s attention had been riveted on him the whole time, and she looked like her tearfulness had resolved for the moment. That didn’t mean they wouldn’t have to revisit this conversation in the future, but it was now almost eleven o’clock, and she looked as tired as he felt.

  “It’s getting late. How about we stack the dishes in the sink, and I’ll take care of them tomorrow. If you hurry and brush your teeth, Sophie, I’ll read you a short story.”

  “Okay.” She jumped up from her chair with dishes in hand, dropped them off at the sink, and scurried up the stairs, pausing long enough to grab her suitcase. Belle and Bruno trailed after her. Stories always worked wonders for getting Sophie to bed.

  But with Angela, things weren’t so easy. “Are you okay for now, Angie?”

  Her frown told him she wasn’t. “It’s not that simple, Dad. You can’t brush off the way Mom treated us with a story.”

  “I know. We’ve got more to talk about, but we can’t solve everything tonight. We’ll spend some time deciding what we want to do about all this over the next few days.”

  “I know one thing for sure. I don’t want to go back to Denver to see Mom ever again.”

  He wanted his kids to have a relationship with their mom. He couldn’t imagine letting Angela’s frustration and hurt keep her away from her mother forever. But for now, understanding might be more effective than argument. “It was rough, huh?”

  “Sophie started crying the first night.” Angie’s anger seemed to melt and her eyes brimmed. “I didn’t know what to do. When she cried again last night, I couldn’t take it anymore.”

  “Of course not. You did the right thing, sweetheart.” Cole reached out with an open palm, and she placed her hand in it. “You can always call me when you’re in a bind, whether it’s related to Mom or not.”

  Jessie leaned forward. “And you can call me whenever you’re in Denver. I’m just a phone call away.”

  Angie dashed a tear from her cheek. “I don’t want to be a baby about it.”

  Jessie was quick to respond. “You’re not. It hurts to feel rejected.”

  Cole could tell that Jessie’s words came from the heart, and he appreciated her support. “We’ll see how you feel about visiting Mom again after we’ve had more time to mull it over and talk about it. I know we won’t try an overnight visit again anytime soon. We’re all tired. Let’s get some sleep and see if things don’t look brighter in the morning.”

  If he wasn’t mistaken, Jessie brushed a tear from her eye as she stood to clear her dishes before carrying her bag up the staircase. It made him wonder when she’d felt the rejection she’d mentioned. We all have our crosses to bear, he thought, we just don’t always know what the other guy’s are.

  Troubled enough by the discussion to know that sleep wouldn’t come to him anytime soon, he decided to clean up the kitchen. As he loaded the dishes into the dishwasher, he thought of Mattie and the burdens she must bear. He hoped he could at least talk to her before this night ended.

  FIFTEEN

  It was approaching midnight when Mattie let Robo out of the station and headed to her vehicle. Brody had told her to go home to get some shut-eye while he waited for Sheriff McCoy to arrive. He would brief the sheriff tonight, and she should be ready at first light to go up to the crime scene.

  She was loading Robo into their unit when her phone pinged with a text message from Cole that said, KIDS ARE HOME AND IN BED. ARE YOU STILL UP?

  Her heart lifted at the thought of talking to him before bed, something she’d become accustomed to lately. She texted a YES, and her phone rang in her hand.

  She answered it. “How are the kids doing?”

  He sighed. “They’re still upset, but I hope they feel better after they’ve rested. They seem pretty tired.”

  His words shot straight to her heart. She’d grown to love Cole’s kids as if they were her own. “I hope they feel better in the morning.”

  He made a sound of agreement. “Where are you now?”

  “Just leaving the station.”

  “Do you need to eat? We’ve got lasagna.”

  It was his way of tempting her to stop by, because he knew the typically empty state of her refrigerator. The thought of being with him tonight made her ache with longing, but he didn’t need to know that. “I haven’t eaten since noon, and the restaurants are closed. I’d love to come over.”

  “See you soon.”

  Mattie drove the mile to Cole’s house with Robo standing in his compartment, wagging his tail and looking out the windshield. He seemed to know the route as well as she did. As she parked beside the Prius near Cole’s front yard, Bruno rushed out to greet them. Cole was standing on the front porch, but he came down the steps and moved toward her car.

 
She opened the front door of Robo’s cage, and he bailed out, eager to play with Bruno. The two chased each other in joyous delight, roughhousing in the grass.

  Cole took her in his arms, and she rested in his embrace for a few heartbeats before tilting her head back for his kiss. His warm lips on hers made her wonder what it would be like to come home to this every night after a hard day. After the kiss, Cole tucked her under his arm to walk with her up to the porch.

  “Where’s Belle?”

  “She’s in bed with Sophie.” The porch light revealed Cole’s smile. “I’m glad you could come over. I’ve missed you.”

  “What have you heard from Garrett?”

  “He’s resting comfortably.” Cole frowned. “His vision’s about the same. The rehab team will evaluate him tomorrow.”

  She wished the news had been better. “I guess that’s the best we can hope for tonight.”

  “It’s early yet. Things can still resolve.” He tightened the arm around her shoulders. “How is the burn on your arm?”

  “It looked better this morning. I put on more ointment and a clean bandage. It’s going to be fine.”

  Cole nodded, taking her hand as they climbed the porch steps. They turned and watched the dogs for a moment while the twosome ended their rambunctious greeting. “Does Robo need some food?”

  “He’s all right. I fed him at the station.”

  “I think we can take them into the house now without waking everyone.”

  Mattie told Robo to heel, breaking him out of his play mode, and they led the dogs into the kitchen, where they checked on empty food bowls and lapped water before settling down. Cole heated a serving of lasagna while she helped herself to salad, and they sat at the table. After eating, she broke the news about Wilson Nichol’s death.

  Cole looked astonished. “Good grief! What’s going on up there?”

  “I wish I knew. But that’s not all.” She told him about hearing the mountain lion’s growl and the results of its predation.

  “Geez, Mattie. You were alone when this happened?”

  “I had Robo with me.”

  “He wouldn’t fare well in a cougar attack.”

  “His barking seemed to scare it off.”

  “Thank goodness for that. It’s not right for you to go up into the high country without backup.”

  She sent him a warning look. She knew he worried about her, but it wasn’t like Cole to tell her how to do her job. “We’re shorthanded this weekend, and Brody was needed at the station. Since it’s atypical cougar behavior, I wondered what you thought about the attack.”

  Behind Cole, Angie appeared in the kitchen doorway, wearing shorts and a tank that she used for pajamas. “What attack?”

  “Angie!” Delighted to see the girl, Mattie rose from her chair to give her a hug. “It’s good to see you. Sorry your trip didn’t work out.”

  Angie returned the hug and stepped back to give her dad a look. “We should’ve known it wouldn’t.”

  Cole frowned. “How could we have known, Angie?”

  “Mom hasn’t wanted to have anything to do with us for over a year. This visit was just her pretending to be a mom.”

  “That’s not true, Angie.” Cole looked upset. “We’ve talked about this.”

  This father–daughter conflict made Mattie uncomfortable, but instead of withdrawing as usual, she hoped to say something that would ease Angie’s pain. After all, that’s where her anger was coming from, and Mattie knew the torment only too well. She touched Angie on the arm to get her attention. “Let’s go to the den and sit for a minute. I have something to tell you.”

  After sitting on the couch, Angie gave Mattie an expectant look. “What?”

  Mattie drew in a deep breath—this kind of sharing was something she was still getting used to. “I think you know that my mom left me and my brother when I was six years old, right?”

  Angie nodded.

  “Well, I grew up feeling abandoned. I thought she left because of something I did. All I knew when I was a kid was that my mom had left me and it hurt.”

  Angie’s gaze didn’t waver, her eyes fixed on Mattie’s.

  Mattie’s gut tightened. She’d spared Cole’s kids the details of her ordeal on Redstone Ridge the night of last month’s forest fire, and she planned to share only a small bit of it now. “Just last month, I learned that my mom left because she was running away from someone she feared. It had nothing to do with me or my brother. In fact, I think she believed she was protecting us.”

  “Wow.” Angie appeared to be thinking it through.

  “So, what I’m saying is, you might think your mom’s decision to leave had something to do with you, or Sophie, or even your dad. But it really had to do with her and what she’s going through. None of you can fix it for her, even though I’m sure she still loves you.”

  Angie sat in silence, but Mattie sensed her anger had lost some of its edge.

  She needed to share one last thing. “I used to think my mom should be perfect, and she should come try to find me. But now I know that dwelling on that and dwelling on my hurt feelings doesn’t do anyone any good. Especially me.”

  Angie nodded as if that made sense to her.

  “Maybe it’s best to continue to give your mom some space. We can’t tell what the future will bring with her, but you can focus on the summer and having fun with the other people in your life.”

  Angie shrugged. “What really made me mad was how she hurt Sophie’s feelings.”

  With a slight smile, Mattie leaned back on the cushion. “I guess that doesn’t surprise me … you get that from your dad.”

  Angie looked at Cole, who squirmed in his chair before giving his daughter a sheepish smile. “Guilty as charged,” he said.

  “Of course you want to protect your sister. It’s important for you to help her as much as you can,” Mattie said. “But it’s not all on your shoulders. You’ve got your dad and your aunt who are willing to help. And besides, you can’t shelter Sophie from everything. Part of your anger might be because you felt helpless at first, when in reality you did the very best thing.”

  Angie cast her eyes down toward the expanse of sofa between them.

  Cole spoke up. “Angela, it’s been a long day, and we’re all tired. Do you think you could go to sleep now?”

  Angie stood. “I guess so.”

  Mattie drew a breath, trying to relieve the tightness in her chest caused by sharing her private thoughts and feelings. Was this what being part of a family required? She wondered how people could interact like this, day after day—she’d rather break up a bar fight. She stood to give Angie a hug before the girl hugged her dad and left to go upstairs.

  Mattie felt depleted. Though she wanted to slump back onto the couch, there were only a few hours left before sunrise and she needed to go home. She awakened Robo and told him it was time to go. He arose, stretching and blinking before trotting toward the door. Cole went with them out to the porch.

  He put his arm around her as they went down the steps. “Thanks for talking to Angie tonight. I think you might have made her feel better.”

  If that was true, this emotional exhaustion would be worth it. “I hope so.”

  “I hate for you to have to leave, but I bet you’re going to have a big day tomorrow and an early start.”

  It seemed like a night for sharing secrets. As they walked toward her unit, darkness enclosed them and Cole’s arm on her shoulders gave her reassurance, shoring up her reserves. Tension mounted inside her as she realized what she was about to do. This was the moment she’d been waiting for. She couldn’t put it off any longer. “Cole, I need to tell you something.”

  “You know you can tell me anything.” He held out his arms and she stepped into his embrace, squeezing him so tightly that every inch of their bodies touched.

  “You don’t know everything about me,” she said, her voice sounding timid even to her own ears.

  “And you don’t know everything about me. T
hat’s not a problem, is it?”

  This man often tried to bring levity to serious situations, but she couldn’t go there with him right now. “It’s not like that for me, Cole. There’s a part of my past that feels so degrading and horrible that I just can’t bring it into your world. You have no idea.”

  Cole sighed, tightening his embrace even more. “Mattie, sweetheart … I can tell there’s something eating away at you. All I can do is assure you that there is absolutely nothing you can tell me that will change the way I feel about you.”

  She burrowed her face into his chest, and he stroked her hair, soothing her much like she’d seen him soothe a frightened animal. “I need to tell you, Cole.”

  “I can’t let you struggle with this,” he said, his lips against her hair. “I have to tell you that I know Harold Cobb took advantage of you when you were a child.”

  Mattie froze. She couldn’t believe what she’d just heard. She tried to take a step back, to create some distance between them, but he continued to hold her. “You know?”

  “It pains me that you have to deal with the aftermath of that, but it doesn’t change anything between us.” Cole’s voice had become husky.

  Coldness snowballed inside her, and she feared it would make her heart stop. Stella was the only person she’d shared her dark secret with, the only one she’d trusted with it. Had her friend betrayed her? “How did you find out? Did Stella tell you?”

  “No one told me, Mattie. Sheriff McCoy was talking about Harold Cobb, and I figured it out.” Cole sounded anguished, as if he could sense the turmoil his words had stirred up. “No one violated your privacy.”

  But someone must have. How else would he know? And he must have known for a whole month without telling her. Were they all talking about her in her absence? She pressed her hands against his chest.

  Cole loosened his embrace enough for her to see the distress on his face. “Mattie, listen. I put two and two together. Please tell me if I got it wrong.”

  She pushed against him hard enough that he was forced to let her go. “You waited a month before you said anything about this? A whole month? That feels like a … a stab in the back. You should have said something.”